A Better Mirror

 In his book, "Waking Up", Sam Harris describes our consciousness as a mirror and asks:

When someone beautiful looks in the mirror, does their image make the mirror better?

or, when someone ugly looks in the mirror, does their image make the mirror worse?

I've been thinking about this and it has been a helpful metaphor.  I wondered "what does make the mirror better?".  The answer is a perfect reflecting surface, without blemish, that creates an image that most closely matches reality.  Our thoughts (consciousness) should strive to create an accurate image of reality, whether reality is good, bad, or both.

My contemplation on the mirror was interrupted by my own stories ruminating in my head. You know the stories that you tell yourself over and over again. Maybe it's a self criticism. Maybe it's a "I deserve better than this". Then my mind went back to thinking about the mirror.  I realized that these stories we tell ourselves are like drawings we make and paste to our mirror. We can look at these stories and try to convince ourselves that they represent the truth. But they aren't. We need to remove the drawings so that we can see the true image of reality.

For example, I remember a story from my childhood. As the youngest of 6 kids, I felt neglected. I decided to climb a tree in the backyard to hide. My reasoning was that when my family realized I was missing, they would be worried and come looking for me. When they found me they would give me the attention I desired. I stayed in the tree for what seemed like a long time but no one realized I was gone. I meekly climbed down the tree accepting that no one cared about me. This story was sketched out and pasted in my mirror. Recently I read the book "Running on Empty" by Janice Webb, I recognized this experience as emotional neglect. Fortunately, the book gave several examples of emotional nurturing, so I was able to revisit my experience. My new version of the story: My dad worked full time and then had obligations in the evening. My mom was busy caring for our large family. My older siblings were teenagers and most likely occupied with their own lives. My brother that I shared a room with was probably glad to have a break from his little brother. Yes, I felt neglected and that hurt. It was okay for me to feel that way, but I also needed to understand the conditions that lead up to my experience. 

As a result, I was able to remove the image fixed to my mirror and allowing it to reflect reality. Seeing reality is liberating.