Don't Become Strangers

 A couple of years ago, my wife and I attended a wedding. The DJ had anyone married over 20 years come to the dance floor to dance. He gradually dismissed couples by raising the time married, "Married over 25 years, stay on the dance floor." Finally, he narrowed it down to a couple that had been married longer than anyone else. In front of all the guests, he asked this couple, "What's your secret to being married for so long?"

I don't remember what their answer was, but I've thought many times, "How would I answer the same question?" I felt anxious about it because I couldn't come up with a simple answer. One could give a long speech about everything it takes to make a lasting relationship work.

Recently, I found the answer:

Don't become strangers

The answer applies to any relationship, parents, children, siblings, old friends, etc. Unfortunately, I have let some people in my life become strangers. The result is both negative and positive. "When did they start thinking that way?" and "Wow, I've missed out on a lot of enjoyment not having them in my life!"

If you feel an unwelcome divide growing between you and someone in your life, do what you can to keep each other in your life. Talk to them about what and how they think. Be curious and non-judgemental. Don't treat them like a stranger. Show kindness and consideration.

Whatever you do, however you do it, make sure to nourish the relationships that you want to and should keep.

 

Moral Aloneness

 I came across the phrase "Moral Aloneness" in the book "Escape from Freedom" by Erich Fromm (I have to admit I didn't finish the book since it started hurting my head. A little too deep to read during a holiday break).

The idea is that you can feel lonely even when surrounded by people who don't share your views. This helps explain many experiences in my life. I tend to "look into things" for a deeper understanding, which results in me "seeing things differently" from others. It is frustrating trying to summarize countless hours of study during a casual conversation. It would be easy to assume my moral views are superior, but that's a dangerous assumption.

Sometimes, a moral position is less important than the relationship. I'm reminded of a couple of quotes:

"People are more important than the truth."

"It's hard when people sin differently than we do."

"Is that the hill you want to die on?"

Can "moral aloneness" explain the polarization in our world today? To avoid being morally alone, do people look for like-minded communities? If so, we need to adhere to our morals, even when resulting in "moral aloneness."  History is replete with examples of heroes standing on their principles. 

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."