I'm Transsocial

 It wasn't my choice. I was assigned shyness at birth. This social assignment was reinforced with statements like "he's quiet" or "he's shy". These labels and other reinforcing stereotypes resulted in me being  more shy and quiet. The identity was imprinted on me.

The truth was that I was a careful observer. I was thoughtful (I was also the youngest of 6 children and got talked over a lot). However, with the attention brought to my quietness too often, I became overly introspective. I ended up accepting and identifying with the labels.

As I got a little older and was put in more social situations, I started to experience social dysphoria. I didn't want to be shy or quiet. In side of me was a fun, social, extrovert just waiting to be released. But how can you change something like that? 

In high school, I exerted myself striving to be more outgoing. I had successes but still had the emotional scars and self doubt that made me unsafely self-aware of any inadequacy.

I've tried many therapies, including 7 years as a member of Toastmasters. It's only recently that I came to the realization that I no longer identify as shy. To further reinforce my new identity, my wife told me that when she tells her friends (who happen to know me now) about my previous shyness, they are incredulous and can't imagine it. I guess I am successfully "passing" in my new identity.

Suggestions for Raising Shy Children

If you notice that your child demonstrates traits of shyness, I have some recommendations. My only expertise is as a transsocial myself, parent of adult children and grandparent. My experience scientifically represents a very small sample size, but I still offer these suggestions.

1. Avoid labeling the child. Avoid saying "You are shy" or anything similar.
2. If you feel like you have to draw attention to their behavior, pick positive traits "Wow, you were so brave climbing that ladder!", "That was nice of you to share your toy", etc.
3. Give them opportunities for positive social experiences (e.g. sports, clubs, family gatherings).
4. When introducing them to others, bring up things that they are proud of, "This is Mike, he likes to play with Legos".
5. Make it safe to talk to you. Let them express their emotions and validate how they feel. Don't try to talk them out of or into feeling another way.
6. Have crucial conversations in private. "I noticed that you were more quiet than normal around Suzie. Can you tell me about that?"